Most couples have been planning their weddings for a full year. That's a long time. I may be a Wedding Photographer, but I've been there too (married in 2004). It feels like you're constantly talking about the upcoming nuptials and working out the details. Much time and money is invested. So, it's understandable that we become very attached to the outcome. The thing is, couples who end up enjoying their weddings are the ones that are able to let go of that attachment to a certain extent - to go with the flow of whatever may come down the pike.
Those who manage this potentially challenging task of rolling with it and who can delegate effectively can actually have fun at their own wedding. A novel idea, I know. And while Grooms have become increasingly involved in the process, it is still the Bride who shoulders the majority of the expectations and who has more of herself invested in the day. Therefore, all things being equal, the Bride's attitude and approach have a greater impact on the day than anything else. Ergo, 'Happy Bride, Happy Day'. A relaxed Bride, which usually leads to a chilled out Groom, means a more enjoyable day, as well as better Wedding Photography.
But, depending on the personalities in play, this is easier said than done. That includes the Bride and Groom, the Family members and even the Vendors. The Wedding day being largely centered around the Bride, from this point on I will address the Bride-to-be.
First to the laid-back Bride. You have a real advantage. That is because something will definitely go wrong - and that something will probably not be anything remotely major. Maybe the flowers aren't 'exactly' what you had in mind. Maybe there isn't a place card for one of your guests. Maybe your dress rubbed against something and there is a little mark. Maybe one of your always irritating family members is, surprise surprise, being irritating. Maybe after five sunny days in a row, it's pouring rain. And so on... But you are the laid-back Bride, so you roll with the punches, more attuned to the bigger picture - oh that's right, you're marrying the love of your life. So, you take it all in stride and revel in your special day.
To the excitable Bride, this is most likely going to be the most intense day of your life so far (if you haven't given birth that is). Your intention will certainly be to have a lovely day, but sometimes it doesn't take much for the heart rate to go through the roof. While the following suggestions and thoughts apply to all Brides and Grooms, they may be essential for the overly sensitive Bride.
(1) Delegate Responsibilities to someone trustworthy and capable, preferably your Maid of Honor. She will be your go-to person who will deal with issues as they arise. Give her the confidence that you trust her to make good decisions. Everyone should know ahead of time to go to her first with any concerns. She should only involve you if it's a major decision or problem.
(2) Have all aspects of your wedding finalized well ahead of the wedding day. Running around the day before is a recipe for stress that will spill over into the wedding day. The better prepared you are ahead of time, the more you can focus on the magic of the day.
(3) Visualize in advance. Knowing it's going to be a stressful day, visualize ahead of time not over-reacting to things. I have photographed over 150 weddings. There was only one instance when we almost didn't manage to get the couple shots and that was because the Bride was an let things get to her and the Groom allowed himself to get so angry (in response to a meaningless and classless comment from a stranger) that security had to be called in. Neither the Videographer nor I had ever experienced anything approaching this. Though we managed to take some pictures the Bride and Groom were not happy and the rest of their day was affected. If you are prone to getting carried away prepare yourself ahead of time so you can make better choices.
(4) Recognize Escalation & Fear. Continuing with the theme from (2), the spiral can often begin with an innocuous event. If you allow that one incident to take on a life of its own, it can often lead into something else, and so on - all of which ends up playing into the fears you've had for months about things going wrong with your Wedding. So, when you notice your mind running off with your senses, nip it in the bud. Seriously, it's not worth it.
(5) That thing you are so upset about... Chances are your guests will not notice or care - unless you make a big deal out of it. While some of your guests will concern themselves with the aesthetics of your wedding, the vast majority are more interested in witnessing the love that has brought the two of you together.
(6) Family Intrigue. You both know your families all too well, including those people that bring out the worst in you (for many of us, nobody does that quite like family). The great thing here is that if there is a certain someone who just gets your goat, it's entirely predictable. It's really a shame to allow this person to ruin things for you. Actually, the main issue here is not that person's actions - which you can see coming from a mile away - but in your reaction. It's easy to blame others for our own reactions, even when they appear justified. Unfortunately, that justification can come at the high cost of negatively affecting your day.
(7) Be open to a change of plans. Summer, 2008, was rainy. There was one Saturday where the rain did not let up from morning until night. The Ceremony and Reception were downtown, so we were going to take the pictures at Osgoode Hall and Nathan Phillips Square. Alas, it was not to be, which had an affect on the Bride - and understandably so. We had to come up with another option. I suggested Union Station. 19 of us, including the Wedding Party, stood in a building watching the rain. It felt like a big deal for everyone to get into 5 cabs and go to Union Station.
She resisted. I insisted (in a nice way). She finally relented. We got some great shots at Union Station. It wasn't the ideal scenario, but it was certainly better than the shots we would have gotten if we had stayed where we were. After the fact, she was grateful we went. Fortunately, she was a lovely person. If she had allowed her anxiety to get the better of her it may not have happened - and their couple shots would basically have been disappointing. In short, be flexible. Occasionally, the alternative plan actually ends up being better than the original.
Hey, what about the Groom? As mentioned earlier, as much as things have changed, the day still belongs to the Bride. Needless to say, the Groom can also make things difficult, but generally speaking, he is usually doing this best to keep his Bride happy - if he's smart anyway. The wedding day is a concentrated practice session for the rest of your lives together. 'Happy Bride, Happy Day' segues perfectly into 'Happy Wife, Happy Life'.
Bard Azima is a Professional Photographer specializing in Wedding and Portrait Photography. He established Livingface Photography in 2001. You can see his work at: http://www.livingface.com
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