A few words on the use of bridesmaids and groomsmen
Have you ever really wondered why there are all those folks standing up there with the bride and room during a wedding? Sure, there is the best man and best woman (brides maid or maiden), but in nearly all cases, there are anywhere from four to a dozen or more men and women in expensive attire just standing up there, like statues - what is that all about? And can't they be put to better use than clothing models?
Have you ever really wondered why there are all those folks standing up there with the bride and groom during a wedding? Sure, there is the best man and best woman (brides maid or maiden), but in nearly all cases, there are anywhere from four to a dozen or more men and women in expensive attire just standing up there, like statues - what is that all about? And can't they be put to better use than clothing models?
First a little history...for what it's worth. Groomsmen where protectors of the bride, knights if you will, to ensure that the wedding went off as planned. They might have been finding off other claims to the bride and dowry, even if it were her parents! The bridesmaids were attendants with the maid or matron of honor as the leader of the prep team, in fact not just symbolically. And of course they all dressed the same, in fact just like the bride and groom, to make it impossible for evil spirits to single out the couple taking their nuptials.
Where we find ourselves today is that this is all symbolic, with the bridesmaids and groomsmen still dressing alike, but different from the bride and groom. But what has changed, and not for the better, is that the wedding party just stands there during the wedding, like they are a decoration along with the flowers and runner. There are ways to utilize the wedding party to enhance the presentation of the wedding and actually serve some important purposes.
As for the groomsmen, all too often I see them just file in, stand there, and file out. What a waste. Instead of having the parents ushered in before the wedding starts, it is routine in my weddings that after I, the officiant, enter, the groomsmen enter in reverse order escorting family. That is how they get to the altar and it serves to include senior family members of the bride and groom into the actual wedding ceremony. The order of their entrance is arranged so that the mother of the bride comes in last, the mother of the groom, escorted by the groom, next to last, and the other groomsmen escorting grandparents or other parents previous to that.
That can be confusing so let me state it in another way. When the wedding begins, the officiant comes in first to get the guests to settle and quite down. Next are the groomsmen escorting senior family member such as grandparents, parents other than birth parents, and if need be other senior family members to fill out the ranks. Then, lastly comes the mother of the groom and mother of the bride escorted by the best man and groom. If any woman being escorted has a spouse or partner present, they follow behind the groomsmen and person being escorted. And just remember, that the bride's mother is always seated last in the corner set.
As for the bridesmaids, this is where it can get interesting, fun, and romantic. In the olden days, if was often the little men and little women that would hold a smaller train as the bride would exit the carriage and enter. And if the bride was wearing a typical 150 pound dress of those times, then it was the bridesmaids that attended to her dress so she could move, literally. If you use your bridesmaids in such a way, having two of them follow behind the bride, holding that dress at least to the beginning of the isle, you accomplish two things. First, if the bride is traveling any distance outside in the grass or gravel, having bridesmaids hold that dress up prevents the train from acting like a rake and picking up sticks, stones, and bugs. Second, it simply looks romantic and is awesome for photos.
And once the bride is at the start of the isle, then the bridesmaids who were helping with the dress walk forward and take their places. Sure, it takes the focus off the bridesmaids a bit, but hey, who is this wedding for anyway! And if the bride has to walk up some steps to a riser, landing, or step, then the bridesmaids should be right in front of her to hold that dress up so she can walk. Remember, she has the father or other escort in one arm and flowers in the other....she needs help! Once up on the stage or at the front, those bridesmaids should be working to arrange the dress nicely, taking her flowers so she can hold on to her man, etc. The more "work" they do, the more authentic the wedding will be.
Soggy ground between the bride's prep room and the altar? Still want to wear those great heels you bought that go so well with the dress? Then place the heels in a decorative velveteen bad, wear flats to the altar, and have the bridesmaids kneel down and change you into your heels before the wedding proceeds and then changing back to the flats before exiting the altar. Think about how tender, loving, caring, romantic, unique, and moving that scene is. It works beautifully and surprises the crowd in the most wonderful way.
The ring presentation is another way to use the best man and woman. When the rings are asked for, the best man or the best man and best woman can hold the rings in the palm of their hands as the rings are blessed. Once again, using these folks for more than window dressing. And as the wedding comes to a close and the now married couple exit down the isle, then the bridesmaids and groomsmen exit together in pairs. A nice clean ending to a wonderful ceremony.
So there you have it. A little history and a way to honor that history by actually putting all those bridesmaids and groomsmen to work. After all, if they are going to spend all that money on dresses and tuxedos, you might as well put them to good use, and do it in a way that will make the wedding photos and video pop! Don't allow your wedding to be average - the guests and YOU, the bride and groom, deserve so much more.
Copyright 2007 Lance Orndorff & Weddings by Lance Visit for more helpful information. Any use of this article must be in its entirety and contain an active link to WeddingsbyLance.com
Lance has officiated more than 700 weddings and serves the Washington DC metropolitan area. He is also coeditor of The Bridal Forum Lance is available for wedding officiating and/or consulting services by calling 888-716-4196 or writing to lance@weddingsbylance.com
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