Your Bride says, "Yes, I will marry you" and the world is so wonderful, everything is wonderful, how blue the sky, how big the smiles, how simply beautiful your Bride's face. It is such a wonderful world.
The success of being The Man, of accomplishment, of conquest, of goal reaching, all these emotions bottled up find sudden released with that three letter word, "Yes." Life is good, or at least it is going to be good as soon as we get married.
Events occur in rapid succession following the agreement to wed. Family, friends, business acquaintances, and all other social contacts are going to hear about this event quickly and often. Plans start to come together as you and your intended talk about the wedding, the honeymoon, and your life thereafter. These discussions come punctuated with kisses, hugs, long looks of love all pushing reality back as you force it to seep out of the room, the surrounding city, the state, and the world. No space exists for reality in this happy world.
Money, wedding expense, honeymoon expense, cost, payment, and debt, budget, these are not words of love, of marriage, of weddings, of honeymoon, of bliss. Those are words of things to think about later not now, not when the Bride looks at you with such love, anticipation, and hope. That is for another time once you are back from the land of euphoria. Oh, that statement is so very wrong, just so very wrong.
Turning Bliss into a Black Hole
This will occur faster than a married couples sprint from the chapel to the honeymoon. Unfortunately, a Black Hole is lurking around; wanting to join you, planning to stay so long it becomes part of the family. Debt occurred in a wedding is the shaking reality that comes home to roost the first of the month following the wedding and honeymoon. The extent of this debt surfaces in your newly acquired habit of reviewing monthly bills as a couple while projecting next months expenses.
Search the term "Money Problems" on the internet and frequently it identifies the most damaging problem for married couples, especially newly wed couples. Most people bring certain parts of their former life into the marriage. This includes prior debts. If discussed prior to the marriage it is a known quantity, for handling as required.
This sharing of pre martial assets helps forecast how to handle wedding expenses. Traditionally the Brides parents handle wedding expenses with the Grooms parents handling honeymoon and other expenses. In today's world most often a part of the wedding expense if not, all of this expense comes back to the pledged couple.
What Do We Do to Avoid a Black Hole?
A Black Hole just loves to consume things, any thing. It does not matter if it is a physical thing or another thing such as light or in this case spirit and hope. Nothing deflates a relationship like removing spirit and hope from a bond. A Black Hole does not care if it takes your joy, your plans, your dreams, and your future. It wants it all.
The way to avoid a Black Hole joining your household after the honeymoon is to make sure no invitation extends to it as a guest to the wedding, the marriage, and the future. This you do with a properly thought out, planned budget agreed to by all members of the wedding party. You must do this, as others will not, while effected by the wedding planning virus. Everyone listens to the Bride and Groom, especially the Bride, when a Wedding Budget exists.
If you have lots of money this step has less impact than on most couples starting their lives. For most controlling the potential for debt, resulting from the wedding is a main contributor to a happy life. The smile you felt when first hearing the words, "Yes" will continue and grow without the burden of a debt Black Hole family resident.
The Steps Please
A budget for the wedding, a budget for life thereafter is the first primary step. Some people live on a budget and therefore understand the power and limitations of this lifestyle. Not always a popular choice to commit to a budget and live within it's parameters however it is the most assured way toward financial success.
At the time of joyous thinking about, then living a wedding plan, the events may get a restrictive feeling when pared by a financial budget, "Why it's nothing better than a wet blanket thrown on our party."
"I want a big wedding, the biggest the town has ever seen."
This is a common thought for most Brides, some Grooms. It is also an emotional outpouring of pride, happiness to share with all, and no thought to what it means to the involved parties down that quickly traveled road.
A Wedding Plan Budget
A short search on the internet will yield many free Wedding Planning forms suggesting budget categories to use in your financial planning. You can add or subtract as necessary to fit what you want to see for your wedding. Details will include the location, flowers, bridesmaids, and groomsmen with the list including flower, reception, plus other items.
These list are a good place to start but will not give you the dollars without a bit of research. If you use a Wedding Planner this part is easy, if you do not use that service, it takes time, telephone, email, personal visits to obtain prices, but with that effort, you can estimate the cost for your event.
Once you add the cost, you will get a good idea what changes you need to make if any to the scope and size of the wedding. A primary goal should be to avoid debt, paying for the cost when due from an account identified for that purpose. It can be one of the couple's current banking accounts but designate it for that purpose.
A less optimal approach is to limit any debt to a one-month payout from the couple once they assume their married life.
Normally the reaction is we just cannot do the wedding without going into debt to some amount above these guidelines. That is a true feeling and that is why we call this a Budget. You live within the scope of the budget. Remember this budget is not an everyday life budget but a special project budget, a not so nice a way to refer to the wedding expense.
It is Impossible it is Impossible but I Have Plastic!
Do not fall into the charge card, account payable traps. It is so easy to swipe "the card" and life goes on. If you must swipe a card, use the next best thing to cash, a debit card. You still pay as you go and no Black Hole debt is creeping up on your new life.
Learning to live on a budget for a project or for everyday life is like beginning a Weight Loss Program. Neither of these is easy when you start the program with many bumps along the way as momentary failures arise but if you keep with the program, an amazing thing happens over time.
One day you will awake not realizing you are on a diet or a budget. Life style changes slowly become a part of your daily reality removing the special effort. You new life now harmonizes with the requirements to keep the scales and bank accounts where they should be.
Now is the time for a little ice cream for dessert. Take a moment to look at how large the bank account balance totals. Life is good just about now. It is just you and the wife until you want to expand the family by addition of a third family member, and that member is not the Black Hole.
Harold Simmons
http://icdsbucket.blogspot.com/
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