Especially For The Groom

"At all times: Always remember that this is your day and that you should have it run as you want it. Keep in mind that it is the most romantic and wonderful day in your life." This is from an article titled "Your Wedding," as it appeared in a 1993 Australian newspaper. (Sorry, the author is unknown). I'd like to add the following: Don't forget that this day belongs to both of you. There cannot be just a bride. Without the groom, there can be no wedding.

Hey, fellas! It's your wedding too! Just because you haven't been thinking about your wedding day since you were five doesn't mean that your opinion doesn't count. If your fiancee is like most brides, she really does want your opinion. When a groom shows interest in his wedding day, he essentially is saying to his bride, "Honey, I am interested in you and in us. I want to be partners in this marriage right from the very start."

The key to harmonious wedding planning is for you and your fiancee to be in agreement on the style and "feel" that you're looking to express on your wedding day, and keep your ideas within the boundaries suggested by this style. Sit down and talk about what your "ideal" wedding would be. Are you both thinking of something that is causal and intimate, or a blow-out bash? Do you picture just your absolutely closest and nearest-and-dearest, or is everyone in attendance?

You can also express your interest in the wedding planning in little romantic gestures. Just because you've got her to say "Yes," and that she is going to be saying "I do" does not mean that you don't have to work at this relationship anymore.

Let's look at some ways you can help your bride-to-be plan a wedding that reflects both of you, and some ideas to let her know that you're thinking of her.

Groom's Responsibilities at the Reception

Since the reception is essentially equivalent to the first dinner party that a couple will give, one of the main responsibilities that you, the groom (along with your bride), should do is to mingle with your guests. However, your job doesn't end (or start) here with a simple, "So glad to see you. Thanks for coming." To make this a truly enjoyable and memorable event for everyone, you need to offer some way for your guests to get involved. Whether it's a simple cake and punch reception or a sit-down meal with dancing, a wedding should not be a spectator sport!

Formalities - Old and New

At the reception, the groom usually partakes in such formalities as the cake cutting ceremony, the first dance with his new wife, and the garter removal and toss. However, don't hesitate about injecting something other than the "tried and true." Believe me. Your guests will welcome a change of pace. If you're having assigned tables, name the tables instead of numbering them. You can use favorite movies or song titles -- or names of places that are special to you and your fiancee.

Fun Stuff for Your Guests

Do you like crossword puzzles or word finds? Why not have some made that are about the two of you? Put together a time capsule to be opened on a specified anniversary and include comments from your guests. Make up short questionnaires for them to fill out that ask such things as, "The couple has lived in this many homes: ____" and "They have this many wonderful children: ____." Then open up the capsule on your fifth or tenth anniversary and have fun reading what your guests wrote.

Words for Her

Do you sing, or play in a band? Then why not surprise your new bride by serenading her with a beautiful love song? Or, if you can't carry a tune, compose a lovely poem for your bride and read it at the reception. If you're shy, or just too overcome with emotion, you can always ask someone else to read it.

First Dance

For your first dance as husband and wife, why not treat yourselves to some dance lessons? Since all eyes will be on you and your bride, you will want to look good on the dance floor, and, after a few lessons you will be more comfortable. While your first dance doesn't have to rival anything seen on "Dancing With The Stars," you'll probably want to be a bit more classy than just doing the old "high school sway." If you and your bride are performers at heart, or a bit of a "ham" how about having a whole routine choreographed?

It doesn't take much to get your guests involved, nor do the added elements have to be expensive. Just a little thoughtfulness towards how your guests can spend some time and some creativity is necessary.

Romance 101

With all of the wedding planning details to take care of, and your job, and perhaps school, not to mention the everyday things like shopping for groceries and doing the laundry, there's probably not much time left in the day for the two of you. Here are a few ideas to remind your beloved that you haven't forgotten why she's the love of your life.

Give your fiancee the occasional "just because" gift

The power and specialness about "just because" gifts isn't in their size or monetary value, but in the love and sentiment they evoke. Try a book of love poems (or a love poem written by you), a framed 3x5 photo of the two of you, a cd by her favorite group, a small bouquet of flowers (or a single red rose - a classic!)

Take your fiancee out on a real date

The emphasis is on "real." Take her somewhere special. Impress her with your charm. But no wedding talk! This is a time for both of you to kick back, relax, and have some fun.

Send a note to your bride before the ceremony

Have your best man deliver it to her for you. It doesn't have to be a long letter. Let her know you're thinking of her, and how much you love her. While a piece of notebook paper will do, if possible, choose a nice card or pretty stationery. However, don't send it too soon before the ceremony begins, since she'll probably have shed a tear or two after reading the lovely sentiments in your note, and will need a little time to touch up her make-up.

Jean Neuhart is the owner of Weddings From The Heart. As a Professional Bridal Consultant, she helps busy brides and their fiances plan creative, personalized and stress-free weddings. Your questions and comments are always welcome.

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